I've been pondering a thought the last few days about how our own unresolved issues impact our parenting style. It didn't start off that way, but it makes me think of my mother. More and more I'm realizing that the things that she did or did not do as a parent were a result of her own inner turmoil much more than they were a result of how she felt about her children. Her whole life was in pursuit of getting her own needs met - many of which were leftover from the pain of her childhood and probably subconscious. And even though her actions hurt and damaged me, I was inconsequential. She didn't (and doesn't) intentionally do things to hurt me. It's all about trying to meet the needs of those unresolved issues. I guess that unless you make a conscious decision to do something different, you're pretty much always going to parent as a wounded child.

It occurs to me that you can't NOT bring all of who you are - all of your life experiences - to the table as a parent. Good and bad. Maybe the trick is to be self-aware and stop for a moment to evaluate where things are coming from. Is it about guiding and teaching the child something that they need to learn to be whole and functional people in the world? I realize that is my parenting philosophy and it may not be everyone's.

I think I'll track this for a while when I get home and evaluate how often my parenting decisions are aligned with my philosophy.